What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
