Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
