I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
