so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
