Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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