ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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