I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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