ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
