i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
