i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
