she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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