What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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