I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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