Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
