he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
