did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize