so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
