Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
