omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
