that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
