just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everclear isn't food dammit
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
