i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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