I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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