Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
