My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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