goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
