Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
