I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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