dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
