so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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