I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
