is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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