I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
