so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
