haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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