I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
