I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
