I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Randomize
