Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
