Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
