I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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