How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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