a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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