Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
