We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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