I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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