I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
