playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
