He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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