glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
