he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
