I seem to have left my pride at pride
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
