i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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