Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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