I look better un-naked...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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