did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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