i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
