dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
