Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
