My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it glows. i had to have it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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