dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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