Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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