why didn't you poke me back
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
