you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
