There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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