So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
