im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
