There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
