There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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