Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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