i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
