I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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