The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
