I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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