Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
