Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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