i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
