Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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