Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
