I accidentally burped into my bong.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
