dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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