Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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