Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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